He Works All Things to Our Good!

Romans 8:28
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

So here I am, I have been saved through my declaration of faith in Jesus Christ (Rom 10:9); I have been justified by the blood of Christ (Rom 5:9); and therefore I have been chosen by God and called out of darkness(1 Peter 2:9). Because of this, when I read Romans 8:28 I think, "Ok, life is hard and it even kinda sucks right now, but God has good for me somewhere in the midst of all this." When my wife was sick and no one could tell us what was wrong with her, God had good in this for me. When my wife walked out on me, God still has good in this for me. When I got diagnosed with cancer, God...He has good in this for me. When I am left in financial ruin from hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical bills, God...He has to have something good in this for me. When I am left isolated and cut off from the world trapped in a hospital room, God...He does have something good in this for me...right? When my dream of having kids is stripped from me through radiation and chemo...God where is there anything good in this?" It was all so easy at first to believe, but as thing got worse it all made less and less sense this...this "good" that God is supposedly working for me.

I have spent the last few weeks hurting and discouraged, wrestling with the purpose and the meaning of everything that has happened over the past few years. Constantly asking God why? I have become so sick of hearing, "God works all things to the good of those who love him." What does that even mean? What are you saying because my life goes from bad to worse I don't love God? Of course I do, that is why I am here! That is why I keep fighting, because of the hope that there might be good at the end of all this. But it all seems to have gotten so frustrating and so confusing. Nothing seems to make sense any more. I break down and cry most every night just wanting something to change. Just wanting to know that God hasn't forsaken me in all this.

In my life, I have found that most of the time, I am my own biggest obstacle in getting to the truth. See I keep waiting for God to do something good for me; it is like I am looking for some reward for having endured through these past few years. And then like a mack truck it hits me. I have been defining "good" by my terms and not by God's. So how does God define "good"? I began reading the New Testament to see what Jesus constantly describe as being good. I looked through the Gospels and I was amazed at how many times Jesus talks about how "good" trees bear "good" fruit. If good is bearing fruit, then would not part of what God is "working for my good" be that I bear fruit. But how can I bear good fruit with a testimony of such pain and hardship? What do I say, "Hey you should become a christian so the world can take a giant crap on you!"

I mean if we are going to be realistic, my life isn't a good selling point for the christian life. Sure look at Joseph and everything he went through: he was abused by his brothers, sold into slavery, falsely charged with rape, and forgotten for years in the prison system but in the end, he became 2nd in command over the entire Egyptian Empire. Or Job, a man God had blessed with a large family and much wealth, he watched as his family, friends and servants die all around him, he lost everthing, he was physically afflicted with sickness but in the end, the Lord blesses the latter half of Job's life even more that before. There hardships lead to a blessed life, while mine has me in the hospital yet again, watching as my life continuing to spiral downwards. In truth, I guess what I have been waiting for is that turning point where things finally go from radically bad to radically good.

And there it is. I said I was often my own obstacle to getting to the the truth. Well the truth is that I have been looking so hard for something good to happen to me, that I missed all the good happening around me. I missed my C24 students using my story to witness and comfort their friends; I missed them growing as they dug in to pray for my recovery and healing. I missed people that I haven't even met finding joy and hope in my story. I missed a 12 year old boy who ask his mother what fasting was and after she told him that it is a practice often done to ask God to meet a specific need, that young man spent then next week fasting lunch for me. You see I got so wrapped up in my self and in "my good" that I forgot it that it was never about me. Joseph got it and after everything he went through, when he met his brothers who had so brutally betrayed him for the first time in years, the brothers thought it was the end, that he would exact his revenge on them. But Joseph upon seeing them says, “Don’t be afraid...You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives. (Gen 50:20)

Without any help from me, my testimony has been producing "good" fruit and now I see that what the world and sin intended to harm me, that God has been working it all to good. In the mist of my affliction and despair, I remember Gods love and compassion for me and therefore I have hope (Lam 3:21-22). God has not ended my life, but has carried me through troubled waters and the good is not fame, fortune or power, but a testimony of His love, a testimony of faith, a testimony of hope, a testimony of endurance. Maybe tomorrow will be better, maybe tomorrow will be worse; either way, I know that tomorrow will bring new opportunities to tell of how I did not die, but I lived and because of that I will proclaim all that the Lord has done and is doing in me. For truly in the darkest of times, God is working all things to my good!

Mad as hell instead of mad at Hell!

Last Friday night I had dinner with a couple from my church. After some amazing fish, we sat down and started talking about some difficult things that have been going on in my life recently. It amazes me how one thinking one thing can immediately take to a completely different realization. God never ceases to astound me in the rabbit trails He uses to reveal Himself to me.

So we are sitting there talking about my pending divorce and the effect it has had on me. While I will bypass most of that talk, there came a point when I was asked what was making me angry towards God. Even as I gave my answer, it shook me; I said, "That I have to face the consequences of someone else's mistake." And with the most deafening whisper God said, "Now do you understand?" Needless to say, I slept rough that night.

You see most of us can understand the grace involved in our salvation. We can appreciate what Christ did upon the cross for us, taking our sin and our shame. It is humbling and heart wrenching that all our sins were cast on Him and because of that Christ was beaten and Christ was crucified. But for the first time I saw it from the other side. I saw it from the side of the one actually carrying the cross and it burned me up inside. I became angry and bitter that God allowed this to happen; that God would allow me to be hurt so badly and not do anything to stop it. That I would have to endure such hurt and sadness as a result of someone else's actions. Why God! Why?

And as I spoke my heart to my friends, all I could hear was Jesus saying, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." You see it was never God's will for the Crucifixion to take place. It was never God's will to watch His Son be beaten and murdered! But if it wasn't God's will, then why did it happen? Because the Crucifixion was the means in which God showed His will, that man would know and see His love for them! See the Crucifixion was not about God and it wasn't about Christ! It was about you and me and every other person individually. It was about hope and possibility for us to have life and have it more abundantly! It was about Love coming in to something unclean and sinful, something evil and hateful, something monstrous and disturbing and saying, "Give that to me and I will carry it for you. Give that to me and I will restore you. Give that to me and I will make you new again. Give that to me and I will give you a hope and a future." So here I am having been trampled on, and I can lay down and cry and say I quit, or I can get it up and say, "Here God, I don't want want this anymore. Here God, would you take these ashes for Your beauty, this heaviness for Your praise?"

Oh How He Loves Us!

Springville, Alabama, home of the Tigers football team. I had the pleasure of being in attendance back in October for the annual Home Coming Parade. Falling in with tradition of southern football, faithful fans lined Main Street despite low temperatures and light rain. I joined in with the spectators to cheer on the marching band in support of some my youth group kids. I soon found the family of one of my girls anxiously awaiting to see their daughter Kassie march through the town. As the sound of the approaching band grew louder, the family begain to cheer and call out as there baby girl marched by. As Kassie's face lit up and she began to beam with joy, I found God begin to break me inside.

October had to be one of the hardest months I have ever been forced to endure in my 27 years upon this Earth. Life began to crumble around me and I felt as though I was in a tailspin heading straight for the ground. I rarely slept and I rarely ate; as much as I tried to fight, life felt as though it was nothing more but a cold deserted waist land. Hopes and dreams were circling the drain and I felt lost and out of place. Joy had become a distant memory of a time long ago. And yet here in this misery, God used a 15 year old high school student and her family to show me just how much he loved me.

Later that night, I stood in a worship service feeling like doing anything but worshiping. I was so consumed with the failures of life, that I felt to unworthy to join in worship. The more I actually tried, the worse I felt. I found myself just standing there telling God how sorry I was for my silence. And then I saw the replay of the parade running through my head. I was completely confused and then God began to make it all clear.

God: "What made Kassie so happy today?"

Me: "Well I guess it was because we were all cheering for her."

God: "Were there not others before and after you cheering as she went by?"

Me: "Yes, I guess there was."

God: "Why did they not have the same affect on her?"

Me: "I guess because she did not know them."

God: "So it was seeing those that loved her cheering her that filled her with Joy?"

Me: "I guess. I don't understand God?"

God: "I know. You are feeling bad right now because you can't find the will to join in worship right now. You think that it makes you a bad person that you are struggling to show me that you love me. What you don't understand is that I don't need you to tell me anything. Yes I do rejoice in my children and in their love for me but there is so much more that I long for. I know your heart and I know you love me, but what I need you to see and to understand is that I love you. I need you to know that even in the cold and in the rain, I am the one that is standing on the side of the the road going crazy cheering for you. You think that you have control of what is happening. You think other peoples mistakes are yours. You think that what you do affects me. What you don't get is that there is nothing that is ever going to stop me from cheering for you because there is nothing that will ever stop me loving you."

Our relationship with God is never about what we bring him, for nothing I can offer will ever suffice. Our relationship with God is simply about understanding that He loves us without condition and without hesitation. See a stranger cheering Kassie on really doesn't mean that much, but to see her family and friends out there enduring the elements just to see her march by for a few seconds brought an overflowing joy to her; a joy that immediately became evident with her smile and laughter. If we can only understand that as we march through this life, God is not only there when it is pleasant or convenient, God is there when it hurts and when it is hard and when everything is going wrong. He is there calling out our name and cheering us on. If we can only keep that picture in our minds, then the joy that overflows from that love will be the light that destroys the darkness in our life and in the lives of those around us. No matter what you have done, no matter what has been done to you, God loves you.