"The light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed."
John 3:19-20
I met this girl, not just any girl mind you, the worst kind of girl! The kind of girl with voice that mesmerizes you, eyes that see right through you, and a smile, oh my goodness, a smile that makes you forget how to breathe. She is independent and fierce and loves God. She sounds pretty amazing right? Well she is and that is what makes her the worst kind of girl to be around, because being around her makes you see the worst things about yourself. Realizing this made me realize why it is so hard for me to enter in to worship sometimes.
"The light has come into the world..."
The Bible says that a light has come into the world. "In the beginning was the Word... He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him... In him was life, and the life was the light of men" (John 1:1-4). The Apostle Paul tells us that each and every person has sinned and because of that we are separated from God (Rom 3:23). But there is hope for us, see God's love for us has nothing to do with who we are or how we act. At our worst, while we were still living in rebellion towards God, Jesus paid for our sins with His own life (Rom 5:8)! John the Baptist knew this and that is why upon seeing Jesus, he declared, "Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world" (John 1:29)! Even though the wages of sin is death, the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus (Rom 6:23). Life is only found in Jesus and that life is the light of man, Jesus is the light that has come into the world.
"For everyone who does wicked...does not come into the light, lest his works should be exposed."
While hanging out with some friends several years ago, we got the bright idea to toilet paper someone's house. We decided to sneak out in the middle of the night so that the darkness would keep anyone from seeing what we were doing. Instead of walking down the lighted streets, we went through the woods to get to the house. About halfway through a twenty-four pack of toilet paper, I set off the motion sensor flood lights. As soon as the lights came on and exposed what we were doing, we all dropped everything and ran away. The irony was that while the darkness hid us, it also blinded us and I ended up running full speed into a barbed wire fence.
Worship Begins
So here I am standing next to this girl and I start to realize some things. I knew this girl was gorgeous and had an awesome personality, but I am hearing the way she is worshipping with this underlying passion and... wow. I start to get kinda excited that I am standing next to her, but then I realize something else...this girl is freakin amazing and well, I'm not. In the presence of such a wonderful girl, through no fault of her own, I begin to see the worst things about me. All of the sudden I am not excited to be next to her, I am scared! Scared that she will notice me, scared that she will see me and realize what a dork I am. I start to sweat and become too scared to even sing because of how horrible I think I sound.
Then God Steps In
The pastor interrupts worship and looks out over the crowd. He begins to challenge the congregation to dig deeper in their worship, to dig deeper because it is our worship that ushers in God's very presence. I feel awkward hearing his challenge, but why? Then, I hear her sing and suddenly I am overwhelmed. See my excitement at standing next to such an lovely young lady had turned into me feeling insecure and inadequate being next to her. I realized it was the same thing in worship. To dig deeper means to get closer, to draw nearer to God. I try to do the right thing, and most of the time I feel like I do and I have; but standing in the presence of God, all these wrongs that I have been blind to are suddenly exposed. Because my reaction to them tends to be one of guilt and self condemnation and find that I sometimes resist engaging in worship and thereby resist getting closer to God.
Reality Check
Why do I feel such shame in His presence? I think it is because I know who I use to be, I know the life the Jesus died to save me from. When I mess up, I feel like I am dishonoring that sacrifice. This is what causes me to place unrealistic expectations upon myself. The Apostle Paul, while speaking on how sin entered the world and how the law brings the knowledge of sin, said, "...where sin increased, grace abounded all the more" (Rom 5:20). In other words, my awareness of my sin can not out grow the grace God has given to me. Does this then mean I can continue to sin? Paul immediately addressed this saying, "Let not sin reign in your mortal body to make you obey its passion" (Rom 6:12). In Christ we strive to be holy, but if we do fall down we get back up! Temptation happens, sin will come! The Word of God says that even though a righteous man falls down seven times, he gets back up (Prov 24:16). Our fault then, is not in our falling, it is in giving sin the power to keep us from getting back up!
Conclusion
Paul tells us that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Rom 8:1)! I do not have to beat myself up when I do make a mistake because the old me, the one who would have not cared, is gone and I am a new creation (2 Cor 5:17)! Sure, I still fall! The difference though is now I get back up and I press on, striving to become better as I keep running to finish this race! This was why Christ died, to set us free from guilt and condemnation and insecurities and inadequacies that the law held us under. We are not perfect, but we can know the one who is! The light of His presence may expose the worst in us, but it is in the light of such greatness that we learn how to become better people. To quote Jack Nicholson in as As Good As It Gets, "You make me want to be a better man!"
