Just One Step Despite The Struggle

"Wealth gained hastily will dwindle, but whoever gathers little by little will increase it."

Proverbs 13:11
 

This is such an odd verse to start out with considering what I am about to talk about; never the less, this is where I must begin. I was reading my devotion this morning on the subject of hope which took me to Proverbs 13 where verse 11 happen to catch my eye. The breakdown of this verse is very simple, that which is easily obtained is most often easily let go of, while that which we are forced to work hard for we tend to treat more responsibly. As a child I wanted everything I saw and would get mad when I could not have it. Money meant nothing to a five year old boy with no job. Turning sixteen however and wanting a car required me to go and find a job. After working my tail off for minimum wage and gaining a deeper comprehension of a hard day’s work, what I bought required a much bigger thought process than, "I want that!"
 

Now I am standing in a different situation, but the principle behind this proverb seems to be able to be applied here also. If you do not know me, I have spent the last 3 years fighting cancer. I am currently in remission, but I have to deal with the aftermath of having had a bone marrow transplant. This has caused a lot of my plans and dreams to change or shatter all together as I have spoken of in previous post. It can be very difficult at times to know how great of a God I serve, a God I know is all powerful and with no effort could restore my body. The question of "why am I still going through this?" consistently crosses my mind. Often times it teems with bitterness and resentment! I mean seriously, what the crap God! But then I look at the flip side of having had to walk this journey out little by little, step by step. I see the good that has come from being forced to remain in this circumstance. Sure I want and would love to be able to wake up tomorrow with all this behind me, but I am (though with great struggle) also joyful to be able to wake up tomorrow and take one more step on this path as little by little my victory is slowing drawing near. A victory that being forced so hard to fight for, I cannot imagine I would ever so easily let go of.
 

When you are in the midst of your own struggle, to read this seems stupid and dumb. It makes you want to say, "That’s great for you, but you don't know me and what I'm going through." You are right I do not! But here is what I do know. I know what it is like to walk in to my room and sit on my bed and cry until there is nothing left. I know what it feels like to look at tomorrow with no hope of anything better waiting there for me. I know what it is like to want to quit and give up. I know what it is like to sink so desperately low that everything just feels numb and dead inside. I know what it is like to hurt so deeply physically and emotionally that death looks like relief and salvation. I know what it is like to hear someone say "God has a plan for all this" and just want to scream, yell and hit them in the face. I know the anger and the bitterness that has filled my heart as other people's dreams come to life and prosper around me. We are not all walking through the same things, but many of us are feeling the same consequences of the struggle we are in.
 

I battle these feelings to this day, more than I care to admit, but I press on one step at a time. I do not know how long I will struggle down this road and if it ends in healing or in death. I can worry about whether I will ever make it through all this until I end up making myself sick (and many times I have done just that) but this serves no good purpose! Whether I must walk ten more feet or a thousand more miles, I must first take this next step. That is what is so amazing about having faith in God. Faith does not require me to gather up the strength to finish this journey; faith only requires that I find that little bit of strength to take one step, just one single step. Psalms 37:23 says the steps of a righteous man are ordered by God. Each step you take in overcoming your current circumstance is a step God is ordering, a step God is blessing, a step God is using to get you closer. Isaiah 43:2 shows that God is not always going to teleport us to the other side of the journey; but that if we trust Him, He will protect us as we walk through our struggles. Even though each step we take is hard, nothing changes the simple fact that the second step down this road can never be reached until the first one is taken.

It is a crazy way of thinking, focusing on just one step or one moment at a time when circumstances can be so huge. I am by no means an artsy person, but I can appreciate the talent and skill of being able to take a piece of stone or a few colors and create such beautiful masterpieces that are showcased all over the world. Works of art that are so inspiring and beautiful that people travel thousands of miles and pay money and wait in lines just to be able to look at Michelangelo's David or Di Vinci's Mona Lisa or Van Gogh's Starry Night or Alexandros' Venus de Milo. Despite the intricate and delicate process in creating these masterpieces, they all started the same way: just a single brush stroke or chisel and then another and another. Stroke after stroke, chisel after chisel, beauty began to emerge until finally the artist stepped back and saw that the work was complete. Little by little wealth is built, little by little beauty is created, and little by little life changes and struggles do end!

 

I told you earlier I got so mad at someone when they would tell me, "God has a plan for all this." Well now let me give you that same opportunity to hate me and want to hit me in the face. I have seen the good has been brought out in other people as I have walked this  struggle out. The only reason I can stand here now is because of the people that surrounded me, prayed over me, encouraged me and reminded me I still have purpose and meaning despite everything cancer has taken. How insane that without even trying to do anything other than survive, I was helping to strengthen and grow the very people who are helping encourage and strengthen me. I was in no way trying to do anything for them. I looked at my life in those dark moments as being insignificant and pointless; and yet all the while, God was using what I thought to be a mundane meaningless life to help encourage people to hang on and take one more step through their own struggles.
 

See, it is not that we win the war, it is that we fight the battle! It does not even matter at the end of the day if I have stumbled again as long as I get back up! That is what changes the world, that is what pulls others up out of darkness. Do not fool yourself into believing people do not see or know your struggle, hurting people recognize hurting people. And when they see you hurt and fall, it shows them they are not alone in the struggle! And when they see you get up despite the pain and take one more step, it shows them that it is not impossible! And when they see you get back up again and again and again, it reminds them that what they are fighting to overcome is worth it! And when you look up and reach back out to God, it shows them they have not fallen beyond the reach of grace and redemption. Your struggle not only grows your faith but it gives hope to others to go on! You are not alone! Jesus himself asked God for another way before being arrested and beaten and crucified. The road ahead of him in the garden was going to be long and painful, but Jesus knew that with each step His Father was creating something so beautiful that 2000 years later, it is still changing the world!
 

Remember, just because we aren't all dealing with the same problems, we still share a lot of the same feelings they create. I do not need financial advice from someone who has won the lottery; I need it from someone who has built a life upon principals and experience. It is the same thing with dealing with my heartbreak and sorrow. When someone can see you have went or are going through all the hurt and trails and tribulations they are going through, your testimony carries so much more depth and power. Socrates advised mankind to "Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writing so that you shall come easily by what others have labored hard for." Life is happening all around us; sometimes it is good and beautiful and sometimes it sucks with every breath we take! But life is also moving forward little by little, step by step in your life and the lives of people all around you. So today begin to change your outlook. Do not become overwhelmed by how far you may think this road is, but seek and trust God to give you that little bit of strength so that you may once again take just one more step. Little by little this battle will end and a lasting victory will be obtained!

She Has A Beautiful Smile And I Cannot Worship

 

"The light has come into the world, and people loved the darkness rather than the light because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his works should be exposed."

John 3:19-20

      I met this girl, not just any girl mind you, the worst kind of girl! The kind of girl with voice that mesmerizes you, eyes that see right through you, and a smile, oh my goodness, a smile that makes you forget how to breathe. She is independent and fierce and loves God. She sounds pretty amazing right? Well she is and that is what makes her the worst kind of girl to be around, because being around her makes you see the worst things about yourself. Realizing this made me realize why it is so hard for me to enter in to worship sometimes.

"The light has come into the world..."

     The Bible says that a light has come into the world. "In the beginning was the Word... He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him... In him was life, and the life was the light of men" (John 1:1-4). The Apostle Paul tells us that each and every person has sinned and because of that we are separated from God (Rom 3:23). But there is hope for us, see God's love for us has nothing to do with who we are or how we act. At our worst, while we were still living in rebellion towards God, Jesus paid for our sins with His own life (Rom 5:8)! John the Baptist knew this and that is why upon seeing Jesus, he declared, "Behold the Lamb of God, who takes away the sins of the world" (John 1:29)! Even though the wages of sin is death, the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus (Rom 6:23). Life is only found in Jesus and that life is the light of man, Jesus is the light that has come into the world.

 

"For everyone who does wicked...does not come into the light, lest his works should be exposed."

      While hanging out with some friends several years ago, we got the bright idea to toilet paper someone's house. We decided to sneak out in the middle of the night so that the darkness would keep anyone from seeing what we were doing. Instead of walking down the lighted streets, we went through the woods to get to the house. About halfway through a twenty-four pack of toilet paper, I set off the motion sensor flood lights. As soon as the lights came on and exposed what we were doing, we all dropped everything and ran away. The irony was that while the darkness hid us, it also blinded us and I ended up running full speed into a barbed wire fence.

 

Worship Begins

      So here I am standing next to this girl and I start to realize some things. I knew this girl was gorgeous and had an awesome personality, but I am hearing the way she is worshipping with this underlying passion and... wow. I start to get kinda excited that I am standing next to her, but then I realize something else...this girl is freakin amazing and well, I'm not. In the presence of such a wonderful girl, through no fault of her own, I begin to see the worst things about me. All of the sudden I am not excited to be next to her, I am scared! Scared that she will notice me, scared that she will see me and realize what a dork I am. I start to sweat and become too scared to even sing because of how horrible I think I sound.

 

Then God Steps In

     The pastor interrupts worship and looks out over the crowd. He begins to challenge the congregation to dig deeper in their worship, to dig deeper because it is our worship that ushers in God's very presence. I feel awkward hearing his challenge, but why? Then, I hear her sing and suddenly I am overwhelmed. See my excitement at standing next to such an lovely young lady had turned into me feeling insecure and inadequate being next to her. I realized it was the same thing in worship. To dig deeper means to get closer, to draw nearer to God. I try to do the right thing, and most of the time I feel like I do and I have; but standing in the presence of God, all these wrongs that I have been blind to are suddenly exposed. Because my reaction to them tends to be one of guilt and self condemnation and find that I sometimes resist engaging in worship and thereby resist getting closer to God.

 

Reality Check

      Why do I feel such shame in His presence? I think it is because I know who I use to be, I know the life the Jesus died to save me from. When I mess up, I feel like I am dishonoring that sacrifice. This is what causes me to place unrealistic expectations upon myself. The Apostle Paul, while speaking on how sin entered the world and how the law brings the knowledge of sin, said, "...where sin increased, grace abounded all the more" (Rom 5:20). In other words, my awareness of my sin can not out grow  the grace God has given to me. Does this then mean I can continue to sin? Paul immediately addressed this saying, "Let not sin reign in your mortal body to make you obey its passion" (Rom 6:12). In Christ we strive to be holy, but if we do fall down we get back up! Temptation happens, sin will come! The Word of God says that even though a righteous man falls down seven times, he gets back up (Prov 24:16). Our fault then, is not in our falling, it is in giving sin the power to keep us from getting back up!

 

Conclusion

     Paul tells us that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ (Rom 8:1)! I do not have to beat myself up when I do make a mistake because the old me, the one who would have not cared, is gone and I am a new creation (2 Cor 5:17)! Sure, I still fall! The difference though is now I get back up and I press on, striving to become better as I keep running to finish this race! This was why Christ died, to set us free from guilt and condemnation and insecurities and inadequacies that the law held us under. We are not perfect, but we can know the one who is! The light of His presence may expose the worst in us, but it is in the light of such greatness that we learn how to become better people. To quote Jack Nicholson in as As Good As It Gets, "You make me want to be a better man!"