Last Friday night I had dinner with a couple from my church. After some amazing fish, we sat down and started talking about some difficult things that have been going on in my life recently. It amazes me how one thinking one thing can immediately take to a completely different realization. God never ceases to astound me in the rabbit trails He uses to reveal Himself to me.
So we are sitting there talking about my pending divorce and the effect it has had on me. While I will bypass most of that talk, there came a point when I was asked what was making me angry towards God. Even as I gave my answer, it shook me; I said, "That I have to face the consequences of someone else's mistake." And with the most deafening whisper God said, "Now do you understand?" Needless to say, I slept rough that night.
You see most of us can understand the grace involved in our salvation. We can appreciate what Christ did upon the cross for us, taking our sin and our shame. It is humbling and heart wrenching that all our sins were cast on Him and because of that Christ was beaten and Christ was crucified. But for the first time I saw it from the other side. I saw it from the side of the one actually carrying the cross and it burned me up inside. I became angry and bitter that God allowed this to happen; that God would allow me to be hurt so badly and not do anything to stop it. That I would have to endure such hurt and sadness as a result of someone else's actions. Why God! Why?
And as I spoke my heart to my friends, all I could hear was Jesus saying, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." You see it was never God's will for the Crucifixion to take place. It was never God's will to watch His Son be beaten and murdered! But if it wasn't God's will, then why did it happen? Because the Crucifixion was the means in which God showed His will, that man would know and see His love for them! See the Crucifixion was not about God and it wasn't about Christ! It was about you and me and every other person individually. It was about hope and possibility for us to have life and have it more abundantly! It was about Love coming in to something unclean and sinful, something evil and hateful, something monstrous and disturbing and saying, "Give that to me and I will carry it for you. Give that to me and I will restore you. Give that to me and I will make you new again. Give that to me and I will give you a hope and a future." So here I am having been trampled on, and I can lay down and cry and say I quit, or I can get it up and say, "Here God, I don't want want this anymore. Here God, would you take these ashes for Your beauty, this heaviness for Your praise?"
So we are sitting there talking about my pending divorce and the effect it has had on me. While I will bypass most of that talk, there came a point when I was asked what was making me angry towards God. Even as I gave my answer, it shook me; I said, "That I have to face the consequences of someone else's mistake." And with the most deafening whisper God said, "Now do you understand?" Needless to say, I slept rough that night.
You see most of us can understand the grace involved in our salvation. We can appreciate what Christ did upon the cross for us, taking our sin and our shame. It is humbling and heart wrenching that all our sins were cast on Him and because of that Christ was beaten and Christ was crucified. But for the first time I saw it from the other side. I saw it from the side of the one actually carrying the cross and it burned me up inside. I became angry and bitter that God allowed this to happen; that God would allow me to be hurt so badly and not do anything to stop it. That I would have to endure such hurt and sadness as a result of someone else's actions. Why God! Why?
And as I spoke my heart to my friends, all I could hear was Jesus saying, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." You see it was never God's will for the Crucifixion to take place. It was never God's will to watch His Son be beaten and murdered! But if it wasn't God's will, then why did it happen? Because the Crucifixion was the means in which God showed His will, that man would know and see His love for them! See the Crucifixion was not about God and it wasn't about Christ! It was about you and me and every other person individually. It was about hope and possibility for us to have life and have it more abundantly! It was about Love coming in to something unclean and sinful, something evil and hateful, something monstrous and disturbing and saying, "Give that to me and I will carry it for you. Give that to me and I will restore you. Give that to me and I will make you new again. Give that to me and I will give you a hope and a future." So here I am having been trampled on, and I can lay down and cry and say I quit, or I can get it up and say, "Here God, I don't want want this anymore. Here God, would you take these ashes for Your beauty, this heaviness for Your praise?"
