Springville, Alabama, home of the Tigers football team. I had the pleasure of being in attendance back in October for the annual Home Coming Parade. Falling in with tradition of southern football, faithful fans lined Main Street despite low temperatures and light rain. I joined in with the spectators to cheer on the marching band in support of some my youth group kids. I soon found the family of one of my girls anxiously awaiting to see their daughter Kassie march through the town. As the sound of the approaching band grew louder, the family begain to cheer and call out as there baby girl marched by. As Kassie's face lit up and she began to beam with joy, I found God begin to break me inside.
October had to be one of the hardest months I have ever been forced to endure in my 27 years upon this Earth. Life began to crumble around me and I felt as though I was in a tailspin heading straight for the ground. I rarely slept and I rarely ate; as much as I tried to fight, life felt as though it was nothing more but a cold deserted waist land. Hopes and dreams were circling the drain and I felt lost and out of place. Joy had become a distant memory of a time long ago. And yet here in this misery, God used a 15 year old high school student and her family to show me just how much he loved me.
Later that night, I stood in a worship service feeling like doing anything but worshiping. I was so consumed with the failures of life, that I felt to unworthy to join in worship. The more I actually tried, the worse I felt. I found myself just standing there telling God how sorry I was for my silence. And then I saw the replay of the parade running through my head. I was completely confused and then God began to make it all clear.
God: "What made Kassie so happy today?"
Me: "Well I guess it was because we were all cheering for her."
God: "Were there not others before and after you cheering as she went by?"
Me: "Yes, I guess there was."
God: "Why did they not have the same affect on her?"
Me: "I guess because she did not know them."
God: "So it was seeing those that loved her cheering her that filled her with Joy?"
Me: "I guess. I don't understand God?"
God: "I know. You are feeling bad right now because you can't find the will to join in worship right now. You think that it makes you a bad person that you are struggling to show me that you love me. What you don't understand is that I don't need you to tell me anything. Yes I do rejoice in my children and in their love for me but there is so much more that I long for. I know your heart and I know you love me, but what I need you to see and to understand is that I love you. I need you to know that even in the cold and in the rain, I am the one that is standing on the side of the the road going crazy cheering for you. You think that you have control of what is happening. You think other peoples mistakes are yours. You think that what you do affects me. What you don't get is that there is nothing that is ever going to stop me from cheering for you because there is nothing that will ever stop me loving you."
